Carry On

"But I like to think
I can cheat it all
To make up for the times I've been cheated on
And it's nice to know
When I was left for dead
I was found and now I don't roam these streets
I am not the ghost you want of me."

--fun., "Carry On."

Okay, whew.

To start, an apology to my friends and family... and coworkers... and everyone else. Where have I been? Writing papers on ocelots for my master's in security studies, and riding my bike really far.

I never thought I would be "that guy." And suddenly I am.

And I ask myself: why am I doing this? And the answer is: because I want to. I decided I wanted to do this thing, and even now, deep in the training, with exactly 9 weeks to go (63 days!!! But who's counting??), I still want it. I was finishing up the last half mile of my run today, and suddenly I was smiling ear to ear. My hamstrings and glutes were yelling, and my left IT band started to identify itself, but I didn't care. I saw the front door of my apartment building, and suddenly my mind saw the chute to the finish line of Ironman. And I almost cried, there on the sidewalk in front of my neighbors, because (fingers crossed) my heart knows that I *can* finish this beast.

Yes, the training is completely insane sometimes. I mean, oh my god, why would you do that? Go bike 100 miles on Skyline Drive and then run for 45 minutes? That's insane. Who does that? Who rides 80 miles and runs 5 on one day, and then gets up and runs 18(.33) the next day?

So here I am, announcing to the world... I'm going to be doing the crazy bike riding thing for a little while longer, and the grad school thing for another year. After yesterday's ride--which went well, but not as well as it could have--I made the decision I need to sleep more, eat better, and drink less. Or perhaps not at all. Just for the next 63 days. The truth is, I've realized that IRONMAN can't be cheated on. I'm asking a lot of my body right now, and I need to be good to it, because it's going to have to go through a lot in the next few weeks. No more staying up late, drinking too much sauv blanc (so delicious), and then trying to do what I've been doing at 5:30 AM. But 63 days is REALLY QUITE SHORT, and I can survive being a total square for a bit. It's not like I don't know how to do that. :)

Please know that I love you, and I miss you, and I think of you all the time. Yes you, reading this. And I'm sorry that I'm not available to do that awesome thing that you want to do. Also know that I'm not gone, I'm not dead, I'm not ignoring you, I'm not mad at you, I don't think I'm better than you, and I don't need to talk about training for Ironman all the time. But I might need to drink club soda with lime and go to bed at 10 PM for the next few weeks.