All the Colors

“I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But, yes, I'm still running.”

--U2, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”

I’ve been meaning to post in a while. I’m pretty sure there was something interesting that I wanted to say but just didn’t have the time to write it down. And whatever it was, it’s totally overshadowed by recent events. I’ve come to realize that if something is important enough, even if it is temporarily overshadowed, it will come back up. Whatever it was, I’ll remember it and write about it another time.

In writing the next few sentences, I recognize that thought experiments are over. No more wondering out loud “what if?” No more “keeping it on the DL.” The truth is out:

I’m moving to San Francisco.

With my heart in my throat, water in my eyes, and an excitement I haven’t felt in a while, the adventure of life is taking a twist I honestly did not see coming.

Sure, yes, indeed: I applied for the job. I had the search criteria programmed into the USAJOBS website. I got the alert. I wrote the application. I threw my name in the hat. When I got the notice that I had made “the cert list,” I laughed. Hahaha that’s so funny. Wouldn’t that be entertaining. A Special Assistant/Senior Policy Advisor job in Immigration. In San Francisco. Hahahaha.

When I got the e-mail asking for an interview, my heart skipped. Woah, ha. Wow. Ok. Sure, I am still interested. I will interview. Set up a video conference? Sure, I can look into that. I didn’t want my own office to know about it, so I went up to the 8th floor and asked if I could use their V-Tel system. Yes, it was available. Yes, we can do that. It was on a Wednesday. January 15, 2014.

On Thursday, I was facilitating a meeting in the conference room and my boss walked in about halfway through and asked me to stop by his office when it was done. This was unusual behavior. I wasn’t nervous—I have an amazing boss who can be totally real with me and never puts me down, so I went directly there when the meeting was over. He asked me to close the door.

“Are you ready to move to San Francisco?” he asked.

Haha, very funny. I fell out of my chair. What? What are you talking about? They had all called him. Individually. The three people I had interviewed with via video the day before. All of them. And then came the email for the follow up interview. No, they couldn’t wait until I was in Northern California for school. They wanted to do it right away. Tomorrow. 1 PM Eastern. Via video, with the Director himself and the Chief of Staff.

I called my sister and sobbed. How can I leave you? How can I leave that boy of yours? How can I leave my life and my friends and the club and everything I love in DC?

How can I do this?

How can I not do this?

By the end of the interview on Friday, I knew it was over but for the bureaucracy. They were amazing people. Their questions excited me. Their demeanor and leadership style were impressive. They were excited about ME and what I would bring to them, because of my experience, expertise, and professional style—things I have worked very hard to develop over these past few years.

This is the opportunity of my whole career. To be the Senior Policy Advisor to the Director of District 21. Seated in San Francisco, District 21 includes field Offices in San Francisco, San Jose, and covers all counties in Northern California from the northern border down to Monterey. It includes high-tech work authorizations in Silicon Valley and migrant farm workers. The district is probably one of the most diverse in all of Citizenship and Immigration Services. And with immigration reform on the horizon, implementation “in the field” is likely to be one of the most interesting and challenging tasks of government in the next few years.

And I’m going to be the Senior Policy Advisor to the Director of one of the most influential districts in the country. In San Francisco. Where you can swim and bike and run all year. And drink wine. And get to mountains quickly. And eat sushi and good Mexican food.

The Director and Chief of Staff asked me why I would apply for this job. I said, “It has my name on it.”

It’s so bittersweet. Emily. Ben. Justin. Mom and Dad. DC Tri. Olwen, Pam, Kim, Holli, Ashley, Angela, Trevor.... I could write names to fill the rest of this page. You know who you are. You know how much you mean to me. You know that I’m crying as I write this. You know that I would do anything for you. You know when you pick up the phone at 3 AM it will only be midnight my time so you better friggin’ call. You know you have a place to stay in SF.

This life, this world that I’ve worked so hard to build—I’m not trying to abandon it. I’m not trying to end anything!

I am trying to start something. I still need to find something. I’m still looking for something. As happy as I am, as comfortable as I am in life: I need to go outside my comfort zone again. I didn’t see this coming, but here it is, and it’s time to grab on and see where this ride will take me.

It’s going to happen fast, too. I wish I could take my time, but two months is about as long as I could hold them off in District 21. In April 2014, I will be a resident of the State of California.

I still have before me the most daunting task on the planet: finding an apartment in San Francisco. God help me.