Rule the World

"All for freedom and for pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever."

--Tears for Fears, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World."

Clearly, I do not rule the world.

Cuz if I did, there's a WHOLE LOTTA (stuff) that I would change.

Like the craptastic, ridiculous timing of my stress fracture, which interfered with (but didn't ruin) my Ironman, and well, some stupid ridiculous "I can't believe I walked right into that AGAIN" boy stuff.

Yeah, if I ruled the world, that boy stuff would not have happened. Not once, and certainly NOT TWICE. Whew. It was a total mind(trip) the first time, and the second time, as my friend Jules put it, it was "gutting." Apt, Jules, apt. Gutting indeed.

Moving on.

You would think that I would understand the concept of "this too shall pass" pretty well. I'm starting to get it.

I am amazed at the human body's capacity to heal itself. Yes, I know, there are people who have devastating illness who will never recover, and I don't mean to belittle or downplay that. I'm blessed and lucky and GRATEFUL for my own body's capacity to heal. (And, ha, I guess you should say the same thing about a heart that has been full on smashed 4+ times...)

I'm annoyed at the crummy timing of it all. But here are two things that I have discovered:
1) I love running.
2) Women need to talk about health stuff more.

On #1: Yes, I used the "L" word. Love. Yep, love. I have referred to 2013 as my "Runnaissance" because I thought I just tolerated running. I thought triathlon was something I LOVED (biking) sandwiched by two things that were (swim) sorta fun and super satisfying and (run) something that had to be done to get to the finish line. And as an endurance athlete and not a threshold athlete (read: racing just bikes is not my bag), I had to suffer through the run. I was moderately good enough at it, too.

And then this year happened, and I got fast. Not like BQ fast, or top of the podium fast, but suddenly I saw average paces that started with a "7" and I was like, "whose legs am I running with?" I PRed everything I entered this year, from 8ks to half marathons to a 10-miler... and even my Oly and my HIM.

All because I was running fast.

And I was putting down 8:20s on my long training runs for Ironman, like 18-milers and shit. Like, for reals.

And then I got hurt and I couldn't run.

At first my panic was about not finishing Ironman, but I made that happen out of sheer determination and will. And then after the race, after recovering and coming off the Ironman high and riding and swimming a lot, I realized that I MISSED RUNNING. I'd hear a song from my running mix and think, "Oh! I usually listen to this song when I run!" Or I'd be biking past one of my running routes. And I'd think: "Oh! I miss the stink of the fish market in the morning!" Kidding. But you get the idea.

I'd look back at my Garmin data at those long runs LONGINGLY. Sick. It was 50 degrees one morning and I though T"HIS IS PERFECT RUNNING WEATHER!! AND I CAN'T GO!!!" And I was sad.

And then, I got cleared to start running again. The first run was awkward and weird. I had visions of my femur snapping as I plodded in an uneven cadence (for one minute at a time) on the treadmill. My whole body revolted. I called the doctor. My second attempt was exhilarating, pain-free, and... I was smiling from ear to ear.

I'M RUNNING!!!!! I thought. I couldn't believe it. My fear of never being able to race again melted. I thought about Ironman. I thought about "how can I get my thesis done early so I can train for IMCoz 2014??" I thought about doing another marathon (probably March 2014). I thought about how I need to focus on healing and nutrition and never getting injured again.

Which brings us to #2.

I had no idea I was at risk. Because like fucking NOBODY TOLD ME. Not my doctors, not my friends, not other athletes. How could this BIG DEAL OF A RISK FOR STRESS FRACTURE be something that I only learned about AFTER GETTING ONE??

For that, I feel robbed and ripped off. I feel angered at my "girl doctor" and my primary care physician who have known about my little "I don't have a cycle" issues for almost 2 years. I feel helpless that my friends--also athletes--who I confided in didn't have advice for me. I feel like I need to share this story, tell people this incredibly personal thing because no one should have to deal with what I've had to deal with when it's TOTALLY preventable.

Yes, I'm seeing a nutritionist. Yes, I'm taking a shitton of calcium. Yes, I'm trying not to focus on "well I'm not training for Ironman anymore so maybe I'm going to gain a couple of pounds." Yes, I love being fit, but if you know me, you know that when I pop out of bed at 4 in the morning on race day and I post:

IT'S A GREAT DAY FOR A TRIATHLON!!!

It's so ridiculously genuine that you have to laugh. When people ask me about triathlon I say, "Race day is the best day!"
Because it just IS.

An Ever-Fixed Mark

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."

--William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 116."